My sweet little boy started kindergarten today.  He was up early, dressed and clean and handsome in his way too cute school uniform.  Brand new Super Mario backpack laden with pristine new school supplies on his back, and a new lunch bag to go with it, packed with fun treats and nutritious goodness.  

Papa and Sis and I walked him up to the big, imposing building that would snatch my wee little 5 year old up and keep him for nearly 7 hours.  I knew he would be okay, really felt in my small cold heart that he would be okay, but still couldn't help my heart fluttering with worry.  My mind scrambled through the last 5.5 years of memories - did I do enough? I thought frantically.  Does he know he is so, so loved and cherished, despite his crazy momma's sometimes breakdowns?  Did I appreciate the moments up until now, the time I spent at home with him, should I not have worked the year I worked a lot, is his self esteem high enough to sustain him through life's harsh travesties?

Have I played with him enough, read to him enough, fed his little confidence while also helping him find his own independence?  Truthfully, I just wanted to snatch him up in my arms and run off with my little family to a cave in the mountains where I can hold them both to me and keep them safe, keep them innocent.  I think every mom feels that way now and again.  It's hard to let these little ones go, and let them fly.  We nervously hover over them, just waiting to dart in and rescue them.  Or maybe that's just me.

He is growing up.  He is becoming a little independent guy.  Not long ago he was my little firstborn baby, chubby as could be, smiles for everyone, now he is jaunting off to a full day of scholastics.  The time has whooshed by and I feel stunned and stricken by it.  Makes me think of that floating out there statement that children are your heart walking around in the world or something - I feel like that today!  I want him to be his own little person but I also want to keep him safe all the livelong time.  This is his first real foray into - life, and it makes me nervous and scared and proud and excited for him all at the same time.  I hope we have done enough to give him the foundation he needs to navigate the wiles of kindergarten, and hope we can continue to keep his tiny self esteem and self confidence sky high, while also make him aware of being kind and giving.  These tiny people are set to rip your heart right out of your body, in some way or another.

Cheers to my wonderful little boy and all he will accomplish this year! And cross my fingers that I make it through too.  :)